"Christmas"

There once was a turkey in Turkey, roasted by Kipa. It was adorned with fancy-cut vegetables, a tinsel-like sparkly thing, and--best of all--a little plastic Christmas tree on a toothpick. It cost 50TL and it tasted damn good.

The mini Christmas tree could only stand so proud with the mighty Christmas tree looming behind. But why the arrogance, Mighty?! You're made of plastic, too.

Interview: Mr. Finn

My blog readership is up--an astounding 3 followers. Now that the masses are all hooked on what Americans do best--rambling self-importantly about nothing--it's time to throw a surprise punch. That's right: interview a special guest.

My special guest today is from Finland. I met him and his coworkers in a bar in Izmir. They were speaking English and I couldn't resist the opportunity to make new friends. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mr. Finn--the only Finn you'll ever need to meet.


Where were you born?

Funny that you would ask this. Way before the answer would have always been "in sauna," but when I was born we already had hospitals. So I was born in a hospital, I'm told. I don't remember much about it though.

When were you born?
I was one of the lucky ones born in seventies. On April 1979 to be exact. Oh I so miss the seventies.

How many people live in Finland?
I cannot give you an exact answer since it changes all the time, but on January 2009 that number was 5,326,314.

How many cousins do you have?
Who can keep up with that? I cannot give you an exact answer but its between 25 and 35.

Are you an English teacher?
No.

So you have a real job?
No I'm an engineer.

How long have you been living in Turkey?
I would rather say that I'm visiting here not living. In total it's something like 13-14 months. You can hardly hear finnish accent from my turkish anymore.

How many / which languages do you speak?
I speak Finnish, yes we do have our own language. Then English and little Swedish. I have been studying German, but most of it I have forgotten. And then I know few words in Turkish. I try to use one at the time. Well I could speak more than one but then the one who is listening would need to understand also more than one language. It's just easyer this way. Does it make any sence?

Yes, it does. When did you start learning English?
In third grade, which means that i was 10 years old. You get to choose when starting the third grade wether you will learn English or Swedish. The other one comes later on. Who would choose Swedish? They speak pretty good English in Sweden anyway.

Is that a normal age in Finland?
To choose between English and Swedish? Yes I would say it is, unless you have started the school 1 year earlyer at the age of 6. Then you would make this big decision when you are 9.

How do you find Turks?
In Turkey they are just everywhere you dont have to search too much. I like most of the Turks. They are friendly and ready to help you in any ways. Some times they might charge you some money for the favour, but they really are willing to help. When I think about it those friends are your friends even before you have seen them. You just hear "My friend" from somewhere and there they are willing to help and willing to charge. The real Turkish friends will share everything with you selfless and they make you feel welcome every time.

How do you find Finns?
Just by accident I found couple of them in one mall here. They were not as warm as the Turks so the conversation took about 2 minutes before I realized that it's time to say good bye. Since there is just few of us in the rather big country, we are used to be on our own and not interfere too much with each others. It takes time to get to know us, but I would say were are reliable and also friendly when you get to know us. First impression will mostly be cold.

How do you find Americans?
They are the greatest nation in the world. If most of them say so, how could you argue with that?

What do you find strangest about life in Turkey?
When there's a problem, there's always a solution which me as a Finn wouldn't even dare to try. Sometimes it works but every now and then it doesn't.

Can you give an example?
There are many examples in the traffic or in constructions or where ever.... Well this is not something that a Finn would not try but did not really fit to the consept for the place. A while ago i visited in a good hotel in Izmir. I was in hotel sauna when I happened to drop my locker key under the bench. There was no way to get it from there so I asked from personnel to help me. He did not understand or something else, but he promised to come back soon.

After waiting around 10 minutes I asked from another person who called third one over there. This guy got my point and asked my locker number. He promised to come back soon. I stayed waiting and thinking that ok they have spare key for the locker, but no. This guy comes back with a huge screw driver and forced the locker to open. I could not help thinking why he needed to know my locker number before getting the "key". Do they really have different spare "key" for all the lockers and he needed to know which one he should take with him when coming back?!

What do you miss the most from Finland?
My own space and silence. Green forests. Potatoes and dark bread.

But there are potatoes in Turkey...

Yes they have french fries and they have some times serve few potatoes slices on the side of your plate soaking in oil. I miss the potatoes which are just boiled in a water and then served. Instead of rice just loads of potatoes and some sauce on them.

Have you ever tried typing on a Turkish keyboard?
Yes I have indeed. I used to have a problem to sign in to my mail since i did not realize that in Turkish keyboard "i" is in different place. Afterwards I have been helping other people with the same problem. It makes me so happy to be able to help someone in their gratest trouble.

Do you have a business card? Maybe you should include "Turkish keyboard specialist" after "Engineer"...
Yes I do. I could do that, but then it would be official. And that would basically just mean more work, more travelling and more away from home.

What's your favorite Turkish song?
Hele bi gel, from Pinhani. (Pinhani has generously made their music available free online here.)

What's your favorite Finnish song?
Years on the road, from Peer Günth

What language do they sing in?
Pinhani in Turkish and Peer Günth in English. Can you believe it! Finnish band singing in English.

What's the biggest difference between English and Finnish?
There are two things that comes to my mind. First of all we don't have any prepositions. Instead we just add something in the end of the words. And then we don't have the word "please" in our language. We are cold and impolite so we just left it out.

What do you hate the most about English?
The prepositions and "please."

Yabancı Eats In

Tiffany--an American with obscenely-limited Turkish skills (for two years in İzmir)--continues to delight me and embarass our community of fine ex-pats.

The following is an undoctored transcription of an entire dialogue I took while she ordered lunch on the telephone in the teacher's room one day:

"... Paket servis? Yes... Uh-huh... Yes... Spaghetti bolognese... Spa-get-tee bowl-uh-nase. Bolognese. No... Evet... Cash... Yes... Mmhmm... Evet. Teshekkurlar. Bye!"

That's right. You read correctly. Three of those words were in Turkish (evet = yes x 2; the total mangling of teşekkürler = thank you), but all of it was mortifying. Hopefully they can't tell the difference between American pronunciation of Turkish from British pronunciation of Turkish.

What was even funnier was a few days later when she ordered some chicken, but despite repeated attempts:

"Chicken parmesean... parm-uh-zhan... No, parmesean... Evet, tavuk (chicken)... tavuk parmesean... *huge frustrated sigh*"

To no avail, she finally abandoned her desire and instead ordered what even the most frustrated Turk can understand: "izgara" (which just means grilled). I could have died laughing.